Being a mum and a woman in business can be a bit of a juggling act. Balancing your kid’s needs, work pressures and private life can be stressful. Some days you have so much to do, you think your head might explode.
Most women decide to stop doing things to maintain their sanity. Focusing on what they consider to be manageable in their busy lives.
It is possible for working mums to regain balance across all aspects of their life. By making small tweaks here and there, you can live a more fulfilled life.
Here are some tips to help you give your lifestyle a bit of a lift.
1. Health & Fitness Routines
The NHS recommend you should do 150 minutes of moderate aerobic activity every week. This is equal to a daily twenty-minute brisk walk. They also prescribe strength exercises that work all the major muscles on two or more days a week.
There are many ways you can incorporate fitness into your working day. The most important thing is to make sure your routine fits in well with your busy schedule. This way you will stick to it.
I particularly like my sister Caroline's approach to regular exercise.
Apart from making time to go to the gym and walking Pippin the family dog, she also exercises with her daughter, Katherine.
Even though Katherine is only three years old, she is an expert in doing early morning and evening squats. They even do some low-level acrobat gymnastics together. Both benefit by keeping fit and spending more time together. It also teaches Katherine the importance of a having a fitness routine at an early age.
2. Make Changes at Work
Busy mums often build strong social relationships and networks at work. Grabbing regular coffees with workmates and putting the world to rights. Being part of a tea club that keeps the drinks and the conversation flowing. Sharing a box of ‘naughty but nice’ chocolates as it makes the rounds. These activities strengthen friendships at work. They also result in a high intake of caffeine.
Caffeine is a stimulant. High doses can increase anxiety levels and make us feel more tired. This was something I experienced a few years back whilst being part of a tea club at work. Some days I would drink more than 6 mugs during my shift. I started having palpitations that cause me even more anxiety. The only way to prevent it was to cut out the caffeine.
This does not mean you have to stop being social. Instead, opt for de-caffeinated hot drinks or herbal teas. Add sliced fruit to water to give it a more interesting flavour. Start a healthy snack club with your workmates. The key thing is to reduce your caffeine intake to remove chemical induced anxiety.
3. Increasing Financial Income
According to the Child Poverty Action Group, the cost of a child is £150,753 per couple or £183,335 for a lone parent. Mums and Dads often feel the pressure to work longer hours or seek promotion to absorb the extra costs.
If you want to increase your annual income, consider finding passive income streams. Passive income is when you continue to get paid after the work is complete. You can Google 'passive income streams' and there are plenty of ideas on how you can go about it.
Possibilities include royalties from books, movies, or songs you may have written. Revenue from individual or joint investments. Ones where you don't have to be present to earn it e.g. real estate or high dividend stocks. Commissions from affiliated blogs or income from e-courses or e-guides you have developed. By putting in the work upfront you can enjoy earning extra income whilst you spend time with your kids.
4. Thoughts on Wealth and Personal Possessions
If you are obsessing about how much or little you give to your kids in comparison to other parents - STOP - do an Elsa* and let it go! There is always going to be a parent who can provide their children with more gifts than you. Often the parents you know who give their kids everything, can still find their children wanting more.
Gifting kids with the latest smartphone and designer clothes can make you popular. It can also break the bank of Mum and Dad and it will not provide the things that matter most to your child.
I like the article written by Erin Kurt on Lifehack. Her research shows it’s the small things that mothers do that mean the most to their kids. Giving hugs and having great conversations. Leaving special messages in lunch boxes and in desks. Watching films together and telling stories about when they were little. My husband grew up in a family where there was very little wealth and possessions. Yet he can share some of the happiest childhood stories, much more so than anyone I know.
Instead of placing value on possessions and wealth, look to other aspects of your life. Areas that bring you and your family joy and fulfilment. This is where you will find true wealth and you own it already.
*Queen Elsa sang Let It Go in the movie Frozen.
5. Find Gratitude in Spirituality
Working mums can often feel frazzled and spend a lot of time thinking in the future. This stems from a desire to well manage and control work and family commitments. Spending too much time in the future can cause anxiety. As mums try their best to predict and control future events, they can start to worry. They become overwhelmed by competing demands on their time and can become anxious.
Whatever your religion, spirituality is something that touches us all. It's a search for meaning in life, connecting to something bigger than ourselves. Being able to find gratitude for experiences in your life can bring you back to the present. It can encourage positive thoughts and guide you back to what you value - to what is most important to you.
One way to generate positive thoughts is to start a 'Gratitude Journal'. This involves getting in touch with what makes us happy. If we focus on what we are grateful for, more of those things will manifest in our lives.
Take some time to reflect on the events of the day. Remember the things that made you smile, laugh and filled your hearts with happiness. Record it in your journal so you can celebrate the moments for which you are most grateful. Going to bed on good news can also help you sleep better. In the morning you will be better equipped to balance kids, work and whatever else you have planned.
Oprah Winfrey has a Gratitude Journal and writes in it every night before she goes to sleep. Her television show has the highest rating for a program of its kind in history. She is one of the great spiritual teachers of our time.
6. Personal Development
Being a working mum can often result in their own personal development plans being shelved. Apart from the ongoing lessons of motherhood, many feel unable to take on extra training.
Learning is an important part of personal growth. Personal growth makes for a more fulfiling life. The more flexible and adaptable we are, the easier we navigate through life. We have all heard the saying 'a healthy mind is a healthy body'. There are 100 billion or so neurons or nerve cells in your brain that each grow ‘dendrites’. The more connections dendrites have with another neuron, the stronger the brain grows. The mind starts to expand. Regular learning sharpens our brains. It improves our ability to make decisions and makes us more equipped to overcome the challenges that life can throw at us.
Try a new activity every week to develop a growth mindset. In a year you could learn up to 52 new things. This is great for mums' because kids are always learning. Get involved in their creative activities and find some of your own to do when you have tucked them up in bed. My brother in law, Dan recently made some clay animals with his daughter, Katherine. During the activity he took still images at different stages of development. He then taught himself to make a short animation.
7. More Free Time
By free time, I am not talking about more time with other people. It’s about time for yourself- 'me time'.
Tasha Rube, a Licensed Master Social Worker has written an article on the subject. I particularly love the section about finding a suitable space to be alone. It recommends establishing a sacred place. Scheduling time to be in it and asking those around you to respect your privacy for a set time period.
This is a particularly great idea if you find it difficult to leave the house. Scheduling alone time can stop you from losing yourself. It gives you an opportunity to re-charge your batteries so you can be more present for the people in your home and work life.
Relationships
Splitting your time between your partner, family and friends can sometimes cause you a big headache. Whilst it is impossible to please everyone, all the time, it is possible to maintain positive relationships across the three relationship groups.
8. Friendships
Platonic friendships are often the first kind of relationships we develop through choice. They play an important role in our emotional development and well-being. Where platonic love exists, friends lean on each other for emotional support. A good friend will give it to you straight and show you compassion at the same time. They will always try and help you in your time of need. They can also provide us with different perspectives, helping us make better decisions.
Platonic friendships can sometimes get side-lined in favour of family. Pals can get put on the metaphorical subs bench. Brought only into play when other closer relationships fall short of our expectations.
It is a myth that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Where platonic love exists, repeated and sustained separation can bring on anxiety. Fears of insecurity and abandonment can turn into resentment.
Make time for good friends and put a date on it. Even if its having them over for dinner with the kids. By scheduling regular dates to meet up you are showing your pals how important they are to you - regardless of how busy your life gets.
9. Family Relationships
Often working mums' feel they must be available around the clock for both home and work. The tension between professional commitment and time at home is an ongoing dilemma. Having less time at home with kids can make mothers feel guilty. Particularly if they are not around as much outside of school hours. Knowing you can’t always be there is a fact of being a mother in business.
Make a household agreement to have a family dinner at least once a week. At the dinner discuss and plan a family activity that everyone wants to do for the following week. Schedule it on a family calendar and put it up in the kitchen as a reminder so everyone can look forward to it. Make it happen and immerse yourself in the joy that is your family.
10. Intimate Relationships
You’ve not had much sleep, the kids are screaming, the dogs barking. You look at your partner and you can’t remember the last time you had some alone time together. Between work and making sure the kids are ok, little time is leftover to focus on the two of you. Planning in date nights and extra-curricular activities can be a good idea. Although sometimes they can feel a bit unnatural and lack spontaneity.
Instead, try to incorporate romantic gestures and intimacy into the everyday things you do for each other. For example, having a candle lit supper after the kids have gone to bed. Blow them away by completing one of the family chores they normally do. Cuddles on the couch and impromptu passing kisses can also work until the chance arises to become more intimate. You will be amazed how little acts of romance, intimacy and kindness can strengthen the bond between you and your partner.
Introduce theses 10 great tips over time. Weave them into your weekly schedule and lift your lifestyle to new heights.
Get in touch
Contact me at kate@rootball.co.uk or call me on 07759 652357 to keep me posted on your progress.
Click here if you would like to find out more about my Lifeworks or Lifestyle Lifting Growth Plans.
Article sources
https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/exercise/ http://www.cpag.org.uk/sites/default/files/uploads/CostofaChild2018_web.pdf https://www.lifehack.org/articles/featured/the-top-10-things-children-really-want-their-parents-to-do-with-them.html https://www.wikihow.com/Get-Alone-Time
© Kate Halewood, Rootball Coaching & Consultancy Ltd
